These guys can still go fuck themselves
When I wrote my first Zelda piece, I had only just gotten my first Breath of the Wild that is Zelda. Now 2 months later, with 95 hours of gameplay, I have finally completed the main story. I defeated Calamity Ganon, saved the princess (or was saved by the princess), and in the process explored every corner of the map.
Average Japanese height: 5ft 7in, my height: 6ft. The Switch only props up to be viewed at at one height. I can’t play my switch as pictured above on any reasonable table.
In the beginning I was afraid, I was petrified – not knowing how I would live without Zelda by my side. I stayed up late thinking how Lynels did me wrong. And I grew strong; I learned how to get along.
I WILL SURVIVE
This game starts rough, you come out into the world with just the shirt on your back, lucky to find a stick to defend yourself. A starting enemy kills you in two hits – you stock up on apples to help you heal. It’s a struggle to walk through a cold area, let alone kill anything in it. The first Lynel I found hit me like a fucking freight train and didn’t stop until I was perfect at combat. The game trained me, moulded me, into a warrior that could save Hyrule. Granted I was a very, very, distracted warrior, who really liked searching for random ass secrets on mountain tops, and who was really obsessed with crickets.
It has been ages since a game sucked me in to this level, and kept me going through finding all the bullshit, searching for each and every shrine (mini dungeon, of which there are 120 through the map, every 4 you get either a heart container or more stamina). 120 shrines later, I roamed the Hyrule highlands looking for an excuse not to finish the game. I loved the time I spent on it, but I finally decided that I should suck it up and face Calamity Ganon, and save the princess. Okay, if I’m being honest I just didn’t want to find all 900 Korok seeds. Shrines I will do to experience the challenges, Korok seeds no. I was a little disappointed to find out that what I had read online was true: Ganon isn’t all that. I knew everything I was doing in the game was just to make the fight easier. I knew the world record is around 41 minutes to beat the entire game (and I was at 90+ hours). I learned that the Lynels I had fought through the game were in fact the strongest the game had to offer (especially the ones with the fucking clubs). I can’t help but feel like that’s a bit disappointing.
Ganon is differently-abled
For the record, the 4 Divine Beasts seem to each take off 1/8th of Ganon’s health (4 divine beasts = half health, N=1). I’ve seen playthroughs that suggest you need to beat the creatures controlling the Divine Beasts during the final battle if you don’t beat them in the mini dungeons. A few smacks with the magic sword and you are out, continuing on to fight Calamity Ganon with the light bow that appears from the sky, and saving the land.
I’m sorry if I sound jaded now, I’ve been scouring the game for more stuff to do (not that 95 hours isn’t a very respectable amount of content). I just miss it is all.
I’ll have to go back to reading books at night now; it was my nightly ritual to play an hour or two of Zelda before I slept. It was by far the best 2 months I have sunk into a game in years: 10/10 highly recommend.
Still nature’s mistake